Life proves to be quite an interesting place no? Isn’t there that funny saying: “You plan and god laughs”. I have found this to be so true in the past 6 months. I really thought I had a plan for 2018, but the universe had other ideas. So here I am – believe it or not – lost and found.
Frankly it’s been a first quarter of mental struggle. I realized this January that I had hit nine years in business and instead of beaming with pride – I broke down. I’ve been doing this work of style and empowerment for almost a decade!! A DECADE! So I questioned myself. Who am I anymore? What is my purpose? Am I still on the right path? Am I living my best life? Am I fulfilled? I contemplated the millions of directions I could go. I could shift my business into being more of an online influencers and finally launch my digital program I’ve been talking about for years. I could finally start my youtube channel and style show that’s been on my mind also for years. I could amp up my personal styling work in person and on skype, upping my prices, bringing on new business, new women and new closets to inspire. I could book more in store programs and speeches taking to the stage to inspire more women in a single setting. I could focus on on-camera work and may a play for the Southern California TV market offering style tips to our local news stations. But what about the style work book I wrote 4 years and out of sheer insecurity, I sat on it, never to see the light of day. I could work on that too.
My fork in the road couldn’t have been more confusing. Each path sounded amazing and is something I WANT to do. However I have learned one big lesson in being an entrepreneur. If I try to do everything, I won’t be successful at anything. And trust me, nine years running and I look back at my business and think: what if I only had just focused on one thing at a time?
From the very beginning of starting my business there was a shift happening in the entrepreneurial world. Especially in the styling world. I remember writing a story about this for a publication back then, that never published. It was all about how Rachel Zoe changed the face of being a stylist. She wasn’t JUST a stylist anymore. She was also a mother, TV show star, an author, a digital media CEO, and really becoming an empire master. Seeing that as the example of success, I recall putting so much pressure on myself (and still do) to take on many rolls to move my business forward from the get go. I couldn’t JUST be a stylist. I was a writer, I was a blogger, I was a speaker on and on and on. I had to be a everything, if I wanted to be anything. And I became a slave to it all.
When I got engaged at the end of 2016 – a big shift happened. A priority shift. Work was always still important but my life was taking place outside of the office in a way that I wanted to be present for. Inevitably I had to start pulling away from the work I was so attached to and being to see the life outside and all around me. Getting married does change you. It changed everything actually, because I changed.
And that is when everything changed. I look back and I felt lost. Having been blazing my path without sight of my destination. And as my personal life continues to change, my desire for the destination changes with it. So what did I do with this fork in the road? I embraced not knowing. It was a lesson in letting go. I surrendered to this painful plots twist of life and just let life be. Instead of deciding on a path – I chose to just live my life and not choose my path – Perhaps the right path will choose me.
In the past 6 months after my wedding. I’ve been seeing friends, living life, traveling, and working too! But I took the pressure off myself. I let the pain of not having a plan dissipate so that I could be open to the possibilities around me. And truly – with opening up for possibilities, the possible happened. Big news to share coming soon… .
***Photography by: Falcon Griffith Photography